Recently I have been struggling. Really, really struggling.
Last night I took my boys and my baby brother out to dinner (all under age 16) and shared with them one of the things I have been struggling with (it was age appropriate :-).
I can honestly say that I experienced what the Bible meant when it says, 'out of the mouth of babes'. The wisdom I received from those children was phenomenal.
Whilst in bed I found myself reverting to my thoughts and started struggling AGAIN. I prayed and asked God. Why is this bothering me so much, why can't I just make a decision and move on, why the intense struggle?
His response was simple yet profound.
He said 'Karen you are experiencing CONFLICTING CHANGE'. I thought about that for a while, 'Conflicting Change???' Then God broke it down...
CONFLICT - IN - CHANGE.
(Those who know me, know that I reached for the dictionary😳)
The word CONFLICT means
- a state of mind in which a person experiences a clash of opposing feelings or needs
- mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands
The word CHANGE means
- make or become different
- To make radically different
- To make the form, nature or future course of Something different from what it is or what it would be if left alone
God began to show me this, the fact that I am CHANGING is causing me to experience CONFLICT. He said the new season that I have entered into is demanding more from me. My mind, my circle of influence, my lifestyle, it has all CHANGED and with change comes CONFLICT.
Most people do not like change. For most people the prospect of change causes them to be SCARED, SUSPICIOUS or to STAY STUCK.
Not only do most people not like change for themselves they are often not impressed or excited by the possibility that you are changing.
What will YOUR CHANGE mean for them?
How will YOUR CHANGE affect their lives?
Change causes many people to be fearful because they are unsure of how change will impact their future, which is understandable.
This is why I'm struggling... or should I say....why I WAS struggling.
You see, I am KAREN ALLEN affectionately known as GOD'S GIRL. For most people I am synonymous with inspiration, empowerment and encouragement and rightly so because that is the essence of WHO I AM and WHAT I DO.
However, in recent months God has enlarged my territory and expanded my reach. He has exposed me to people and places that I only dared to dream about and this has demanded that I CHANGE! (I could go into my journey over the past 18 months and my personal story, but that could take a while).
What I will say though is that during this time God has given me a clear, concise vision.
It is a vision of THE PLACE OF DREAMS - retreat, restoration and recreation centres worldwide.
My VISION IS HUGE - terrifying but inspiring.
That vision demands that I grow, expand and change.
That vision demands that I experience new people, places and projects.
That vision demands that I DREAM AND DO outside of the box of other people's opinions.
Will I falter?... Possibly.
Will I fail?... Probably.
Will I fall? ...UNDOUBTEDLY.
But my Bible says (Proverbs 24:16) the righteous mans falls SEVEN times but gets back up again. It's the getting back up that makes me righteous.
I don't know exactly what my future holds, what mountains and valleys I will encounter before I arrive there, but I do know two things:
God is with me.
He has NEVER failed me.
During this season I am probably going to upset a few people and cause others to be confused and concerned about who I am and what I'm doing, but I trust that those who love me will pray for me and have me covered, and for those who don't, well... don't!
I am in a season of CHANGE - (definition) To make the form, nature or future course of something DIFFERENT from what it is or what it would be if left alone.
I am transforming into something different, my form, my nature and the course of my future is changing and although I'm nervous, I'm very glad about it and grateful for it.
As long as my essence remains the same, as long as my eyes remain fixed on the One who loves me the most and as long as my heart fully trusts in Him, I believe that in the end, my life will be as He said it would be.
In closing let me paraphrase the words of Jay-Z (someone won't be happy with my choice of person to quote, but hey!!)...
'People will look at you strange and say you've changed, as though you worked this hard to stay the same',
I am KAREN ALLEN and although I am experiencing a change I will always and forever be the original...
GOD'S GIRL. x